Overcome
So this week we'll have our second court date. I am praying that we get our written court order this time, which is the next big step toward traveling to India to get Cai. There has been a lot of preparation going on in the meantime. His nursery has been painted and decorated. My sweet church family surprised me with a baby shower last month, where we were greatly blessed with tons of baby things that we needed. I have started working on a photo book to take to India so that we will be able to show Cai his brother and sisters and his new home. And as I have been preparing our home for our new baby boy, God is preparing my heart.
I'm going to be transparent here...
I am, of course, super excited about bringing Cai home. And I am also super anxious. Normal, no doubt. But there have been times that I've struggled to keep the anxiety at bay. For those of you who don't know me as well, I'm not an anxious person by nature. I am as far away from type A personality as you can get. Some would say I'm more of the free spirit type, rather than the nerd (props to Dave Ramsey lol). So this is relatively new water I'm treading and I'm not exactly sure how to navigate it. Some of my anxiety stems from the general unknowns surrounding the adoption, some is about the travel itself (I've never been gone this long from my babies or that far away). India is on the absolute opposite side of the world!.......
Sorry, I needed a second to calm myself back down, lol.
But on a more personal note, I can't help but wonder and worry about my ability to parent, not only a 4th child, but one from a "hard place". One who is also not my ethnicity. This is something that weighs pretty heavy on my mind. I'm mean let's be honest, at least once a week I feel like a screw up parenting the 3 kids I already have. LOL!
But as I wade through this uncertainty and the mounding insecurities, God has gently reminded me that while I am not and will never be enough, He is.
He has been enough as we have been raising money to pay for the adoption this past year.
He has been enough when my kids have struggled in school.
He has been enough when I'm exhausted and feel like I can't take on one more thing.
A couple of Sundays ago at church He very clearly reminded me that He has overcome the world.
"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have trouble. But take heart; I have overcome the world."(John 16:33)
And because He has overcome the world and has adopted me as His own, I am given the power through the Holy Spirit to be an overcomer as well. This is very encouraging and empowering to me. Not that I am able, but that He is able in me. I don't have to carry the weight of doing it all, because He already has. I can rest and find peace in that. Now, does that mean all we do is sit back and relax? NO! Don't miss where He says to "take heart", be encouraged. A definition I found of encourage is to give support, confidence, or hope to (someone) so that they will do, or continue to do something.
God calls each of us to do something. It may be to adopt, it may be to go on a mission trip, it may be to start tithing, or to share the Gospel with your co-worker. But whatever it is, the command to "take heart" applies. I mean, He doesn't skirt around the fact that this world is hard. The scripture doesn't say "Your a Christian now so everything is cupcakes and rainbows. Now you can take heart." (Did anyone catch the Trolls reference? 😜)
In Joshua 1:9, we find more encouragement when facing difficulty or uncertainty; "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; and do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
So not only does this come with a command, but also a promise that God will be with you. I've pondered the reality of this several times since knowing who Cai is. God is with me now. But He is, and has always been with Cai, too. I find comfort in that. It's comforting to me at 6:00 at night, when I'm wondering if it's time for him to wake up in India. When I wonder if he has made any friends, or if someone holds him for his bottles. When I wonder what helps him go to sleep (which may be what he's trying to do right now as I type). I don't know any of those things yet, but one thing I do know is that although I am on the other side of the world, my Lord is right there with him. That is the cool thing about the omnipresence of God. He is both here comforting me, and also in India comforting Cai. I'm so thankful I serve such a big and loving God who "works in all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose."
I'm going to be transparent here...
I am, of course, super excited about bringing Cai home. And I am also super anxious. Normal, no doubt. But there have been times that I've struggled to keep the anxiety at bay. For those of you who don't know me as well, I'm not an anxious person by nature. I am as far away from type A personality as you can get. Some would say I'm more of the free spirit type, rather than the nerd (props to Dave Ramsey lol). So this is relatively new water I'm treading and I'm not exactly sure how to navigate it. Some of my anxiety stems from the general unknowns surrounding the adoption, some is about the travel itself (I've never been gone this long from my babies or that far away). India is on the absolute opposite side of the world!.......
Sorry, I needed a second to calm myself back down, lol.
But on a more personal note, I can't help but wonder and worry about my ability to parent, not only a 4th child, but one from a "hard place". One who is also not my ethnicity. This is something that weighs pretty heavy on my mind. I'm mean let's be honest, at least once a week I feel like a screw up parenting the 3 kids I already have. LOL!
But as I wade through this uncertainty and the mounding insecurities, God has gently reminded me that while I am not and will never be enough, He is.
He has been enough as we have been raising money to pay for the adoption this past year.
He has been enough when my kids have struggled in school.
He has been enough when I'm exhausted and feel like I can't take on one more thing.
A couple of Sundays ago at church He very clearly reminded me that He has overcome the world.
"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have trouble. But take heart; I have overcome the world."(John 16:33)
And because He has overcome the world and has adopted me as His own, I am given the power through the Holy Spirit to be an overcomer as well. This is very encouraging and empowering to me. Not that I am able, but that He is able in me. I don't have to carry the weight of doing it all, because He already has. I can rest and find peace in that. Now, does that mean all we do is sit back and relax? NO! Don't miss where He says to "take heart", be encouraged. A definition I found of encourage is to give support, confidence, or hope to (someone) so that they will do, or continue to do something.
God calls each of us to do something. It may be to adopt, it may be to go on a mission trip, it may be to start tithing, or to share the Gospel with your co-worker. But whatever it is, the command to "take heart" applies. I mean, He doesn't skirt around the fact that this world is hard. The scripture doesn't say "Your a Christian now so everything is cupcakes and rainbows. Now you can take heart." (Did anyone catch the Trolls reference? 😜)
In Joshua 1:9, we find more encouragement when facing difficulty or uncertainty; "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; and do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
So not only does this come with a command, but also a promise that God will be with you. I've pondered the reality of this several times since knowing who Cai is. God is with me now. But He is, and has always been with Cai, too. I find comfort in that. It's comforting to me at 6:00 at night, when I'm wondering if it's time for him to wake up in India. When I wonder if he has made any friends, or if someone holds him for his bottles. When I wonder what helps him go to sleep (which may be what he's trying to do right now as I type). I don't know any of those things yet, but one thing I do know is that although I am on the other side of the world, my Lord is right there with him. That is the cool thing about the omnipresence of God. He is both here comforting me, and also in India comforting Cai. I'm so thankful I serve such a big and loving God who "works in all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose."
I will not leave you as orphans;
I will come to you.
-John 14:18
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